when i was just a boy, my mom gave me a single, silver-sequined glove. i don’t remember wearing it out. (i’m sure my mother does) i adored it ever so much. thusly, like most red-blooded american kids, i began a life-long love of Michael Jackson.
now, i realize that last sentence my be a tad-bit ironic, but i remember an old made-for-tv-movie about the jackson where michael would sneak out of bed to feed a rat carrots underneath their kitchen table late at night. i mean, come on, if that’s true, no wonder he’s lost in his childhood. who wouldn’t want to relive that forever?
prescription drugs, anxiety medication, a long-standing fairly secret alcohol problem, and the almost constant threat of bankruptcy. then add on top the no win situation of the concert series: pull out and lose what was left of his reputation or head to the O2 with frail health and stagefright, and lose what was left of his reputation. how can this not be seen as a suicide?
another thing that hit me yesterday is how this country grieves through humor. when something so uncomfortable and impossible happens, the mind cannot always process the grief right away. as with magic johnson, terri schiavo, and countless others, humor has always been the illuminating force that shows us, collectively the way out of the darkness. so, without further ado, here is every michael jackson joke i know:
there will be a autopsy today to determine which was the cause of death:
a) sunshine b) moonlight c) good times d) boogie
why did michael jackson rush down to k-mart?
he heard little boy’s pants were half-off
50 kids have volunteered to identify the body as they have first-hand experience of seeing michael jackson stiff.
what university did michael jackson graduate from?
brigham young
mcdonald’s are bringing out the michael jackson tribute burger:
50 year old meat between two 7 year old buns.
how is michael jackson like cavier?
they both come on little crackers.
when farrah fawcett arrived in heaven, god was such a big fan he decided to grant her one wish.she asked that all the children in the world could be safe, so god killed michael jackson.
how do you know it’s betime at neverland ranch?
the big hand is on the little hand
and, the coup de grâce,
what’s the difference between michael jackson and neil armstrong?
neil armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon… and michael jackson fucks little boys.
*thanks to popbitch, valerie and ben for their contributions to this one!
June 26, 2009, 3:01pm
